INNER STRENGTH â—½ YOU
Steps to Serenity
by Michelle Wyatt
Are you familiar with the Serenity Prayer? If not, have you ever wished you could control more than what you can? Maybe you relate to both. I know I do. My story contains words like nature, pressure, life, control, and emotions. As you read this story, you will see how these words I have said can give you what the serenity prayer speaks of – courage, acceptance, and peace.
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It is hard to see people we care about experience sadness, disappointment, frustration = all those negative feelings, right? Depending on the circumstances, sometimes we wonder if we did something wrong to cause those feelings. Maybe we did or maybe we didn’t. We can make the best choice we can for the best interest of ourselves and other people that bring upon those feelings. How people feel about the choice we make is not something we can control. When I forget this truth, the negative self-talk begins.
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Maybe I made the wrong choice on what to do with the time I had with my kids.
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Maybe I didn’t teach this lesson correctly.
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Maybe I didn’t discipline correctly.
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I should have known we didn’t have enough time.
Wanting everyone to be happy and things work out just right reflects the desire to have control.
Now let’s pause for a moment and ponder this question…Have you ever given yourself a hard time because you’re not happy when you want to be, or think you should be?
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I want you to visualize this picture: blue sky with just a few clouds, trees and green grass, rough ground, shaded picnic tables, a small lake separated by a dam, and peers for fishing. Sounds nice, right? Now picture my 10 year old at one of the peers fishing, smiling as he tries new bait, while my teenage son wants to sit and play games on my phone. While I wish my oldest son would fish with Matthew, that part of the picture - I knew I couldn’t make it happen.
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Next, picture me as their mom, feeling so sad that I fought back tears. I gave myself a hard time, saying, “This is wrong that I’m sad when I have so little time with the boys. I should be happy. Why am I feeling sad?” As it turns out, I did have a legitimate reason to feel sad. I had a painful non-contagious virus that was very distracting. I was sad that it hurt. I wanted to be okay during my time with the boys. That’s when the tears came down even harder. For a minute I felt out of control – that beautiful picture was fading.
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Thankfully, here’s the refreshing part of the picture. I took four steps that I’ve learned to move past this state and find peace:
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Step1: Acknowledge what your body is doing/feeling like. For example, my chest was tight and my head was heavy and lowered.
Step 2: Take a breath.
Step 3: Identify 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things smell, 2 things you feel, and 1 thing you taste. (It’s okay if you can’t figure out all of these or don’t remember how many to do. The main idea is to engage your senses).
Step 4: Go back to the present experience that you are meant to be in. For me, it was going over to Matthew when he called out to me and checking on Brendan.
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Here’s another tip I was taught recently. While it is important to acknowledge our feelings, we do not have to obey them. These 4 steps I just laid out are way to keep us from obeying them. It’s a way to stop the cycle of negative-self talk, of putting pressure on ourselves for not having control of everything we wish we did.
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For as the entire Serenity Prayer states…
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
The wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace,
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make
All things right if I
Surrender to His will;
That I may be reasonably happy
In this life, and supremely
Happy with His forever in the next.
Amen