AFTER 40 YEARS ◽ MARRIAGE
Last month I talked about road rage, when traveling with your spouse in a car over miles and miles. It can get testy for sure. And now, after being confined to our houses for weeks and weeks, working 24/7 together, there have been new issues that have popped up – both good and bad. I’m sure we’ve all encountered them with our kids, elderly parents, and yes…our spouses.
I found myself some days just connected at the hip to him, because in this scary life right now, I don’t want to be separated. It’s bad enough being separated from our kids, so I don’t want to let my husband out of my sight! I took my laptop and rode with him, since he still had to inspect properties. I made sure he wore his mask, stood 6 feet away, and wiped his hands when he got back in the truck. These rides also provided me a way to get out of the house for much needed mental health!
However, I was invading his space somewhat…commenting on his driving, asking him why he did certain things, voicing my hunger at inopportune times, and more. And we found ourselves bickering a bit!
Back at home, I often felt listless and stir crazy. I’m NOT a homebody, as so many are. I talked to many friends that didn’t mind being stuck at home at all. They found it satisfying to putter around and do projects and hang out, and chill. I don’t mind that part of the day, but I want busyness, schedules, and lists of things to do!
So here we sat, a few weeks in, and I realized that in order to be pleasant to my husband that I was not seeing all day long and night, I needed to get myself back on track for ME – and for HIM – and for US. We both still had work to do on the weekdays, but it was the nights and weekends that really got to me and caused me to sigh, fidget and pick…
I finally made lists. I’ve done it for a couple weekends in a row now, and it’s saved my sanity and I’m sure made my husband pleased as well. Because it restored some order to my life!
I made a list for nighttime activities we could choose from: car dates, puzzles, shows, games, small projects, long walks, back patio visits, etc. – a mixture of in the house and out.
However, the weekend schedules were and still are my favorite. My usual activity was to schedule weekend fun on Friday mornings after reading our local news with all of the events/happenings around town. However, that section now only had movies to watch and takeout places to visit. I was so over movies!
Here’s what one weekend’s schedule looked like:
EXERCISE (we picked Jazzercise from YouTube)
PICNIC ON THE FLOOR (used fun dishes and finger food)
MOVIE (binged watched Anne with an E)
FEARLESS BOOK/MAX LUCADO – TEXT GROUP (encouraged our friends after reading the chapter)
DELIVER PAPER TOWELS AND GIFT CARDS (to our kids who were moving, but we couldn’t help!)
MAIL PACKAGE AMAZON (dropoff facility still open)
LUNCH OUT EAST SIDE SOCIAL? AND GET FOOD (a coffee shop that offered fresh bread and deli meat)
DRAFTHOUS.COM MOVIE – EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN (didn’t watch this, more Anne with an E)
WASH AND PAINT ROCKS (for our garden – gonna be so cute)
CHURCH ONLINE (staying connected and fed and challenged)
LUNCH (that deli ham and bread from yesterday)
MUELLER FARMERS MARKET - GET SUCCULENTS. (never got to this)
DRIVE BY CURBSIDE WAVES (great to see friends – just texted before we came)
AMUSEMENT PARK/SKETCH/MUSIC/EAT (no time – our schedule was too full!)
EXTRAS: CLEAN PHOTOS/EMAILS, GO THROUGH PHOTOS, UPLOAD VACAY PHOTOS
Just this simple solution of making a schedule brought me so much order to the chaos, contentment to my connection with my husband, and peace to my mind. And…we argued less because he’s not struggling with staying at home – but I am. So his other half now is happy and amused once again…