COUSIN MOMS â—½ TIPS
Disobedience and consequences - timeout for the littles - is that a thing anymore? And as they get older, there are all sorts of areas of disobedience. What do parents overlook? Are there different consequences for different acts? What works and what hasn't worked? We asked our cousin moms to share some specific examples....and even their frustrations and/or resources for how they help the kids learn the importance of being obedient to Mom and Dad, to God's word, and to rules at home and school.
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Kamrin
So when it comes to discipline and consequences for disobedience, I’m not sure we have an A+B=C formula. Does anyone? Different situations result in different conversations and consequences. And with three kids close in age, we are constantly navigating.
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However, we do handle things in three general ways:
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Conversations – We really try hard to make sure we are a safe place (always) for our kids. This means for us as parents to respond, instead of react. I can sometimes react quickly out of frustration, especially if it’s a repeated offense. Boundaries are tested, as the kids get older, I’m learning! We have a lot more conversation about the “why” when they disobey. This helps us understand their thoughts process and learn together.
Character – When we have conversations, we want them to understand character, not just rules. We want them to grow and operate in wisdom, and listen to Him as they are away from us. Not everything is black and white that’s not in our rules, situations come up that we haven’t encountered before. But because of the wisdom and character conversation, they can apply to the situations in which they find themselves. Like, what happens if at the park a friend that’s older asks you to leave the park…without telling Mom and Dad.
Consequences – Mostly we remove something i.e. not TV for the week, or no park time, no social time. Sometimes, it might be an extra chores is priorities weren’t met. We also try to offer grace. But when attitude is there and arguments ensue, we add a consequence.
An example is the park. The boys go to the park with rules: If Mom or Dad calls, you answer. You don’t leave the park without calling. They stay at the park with other friends for hours. We trust them as they follow the rules. If they’re late or not home on time, they get a consequence like not going to the park for a week! So, we try to build trust…in us as parents…and not do what others want them to do instead.
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Grace and Love – We try really hard to offer grace the first time. But it something continues and they ignore the grace, then we turn toward consequences. Kids need to also have freedom to apply what they’ve learned.
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Parenting is scary. My husband is better at extending boundaries, and it’s hard for me not to worry. My oldest is now 13 and I have to learn to trust him as I can, and trust the Lord as well.
Charissa
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One of my least favorite things to do as a parent is discipline, and how we as parents discipline changes during the different stages of our kids’ life. Also, each of our children is so different in the way she responds.
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In regards to discipline, whenever our girls do something they’re not supposed to – that requires a consequence – we try to point it back to the heart. We explain how we live in a fallen world and He forgives us when we disobey, and we want to be more like Him. However, we will make mistakes. But how we move forward is what’s important. So we start with the why.
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As parents, it’s always a constant battle of being patient and full of grace, but also stern and strict if they’re repeatedly disobeying.
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Some things we have done are: spanking hands when little but as they’ve gotten older, we do use Time Out and a corner sit, where they’re quiet and think.
We also remove things like television, or they have to go straight to bed. A lot of times discipline happens when the girls are super tired.
One thing I’ve had the girls do when they’re arguing or not sharing, is find a verse that I feel like we could use – often ones of the fruits of the spirit. And sometimes, I ask them to write it over and over, so they can memorize it. We even tape the verse up on their wall. We have young girls, so disciplining I’m sure will change as they age.
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We have also had our girls do chores – like help plant grass seed or rake leaves or blow leaves off the driveway, per Dad’s instruction.
All in all, it’s not fun to discipline or offer consequences as a parent, but it’s also necessary. We all sin, we all make mistakes and we all learn together.