AFTER 40 YEARS ◽ MARRIAGE
I remember when we were dating, decades ago, my soon to be husband would catch my eye across a room full of people and wink at me. Oh my gosh, I felt all sorts of flutters because I loved him so much, and that wink just sent my heart soaring! And truth be told, he still catches my eye and winks at me, and it still happens – that flutter of love!
I realize that those little things are still so important now, the things that maybe no one else would notice, but we do – the things that make each other feel special and loved.
I went to run an errand the other day and he quickly went out in the yard and replaced our yard lights with the new ones we had just purchased a few days before. He also replaced a bulb in the kitchen. He wanted to surprise me when I drove up, with those little jobs completed.
When we’re watching a show, he takes my feet, removes my shoes and rubs my toes. I love that! It is so relaxing and it thrills my heart when he gently remembers this kindness to me!
I work in my bedroom at a desk and he knows how I love to have the bed made – first thing – so that my room feels put together and not messy – while I work. Since he’s the last to wake up, he always makes the bed first thing. I notice.
When we take an evening walk, he puts out his arm for me to place my hand (unless it’s too hot – then we don’t touch!), so we can walk arm in arm as the sun sets.
I enjoy filling the tray with a bunch of bananas and keeping them there, because that’s his fruit of choice daily, before he starts his day.
I could go on and on listing the little things we both do (he’s better at doing them than I am!), and I could also dismiss them as not being important (which I have at times!) But when I stop and take the time to notice and hug him for thinking of me, there’s this connection we have that sinks in and satisfies.
I’ve been known to be so busy and self-absorbed that I’m totally thinking of the big things I wish he’d do, so much that I overlook all of the tiny small things he’s SO GOOD at doing to bless me. When I finally stop and observe and give thanks, it makes me want to give back and notice him as well.
Last night, he noticed that my back was hurting and he told me to come lie on the sofa while he rubbed my feet. He prayed for my back before we went to sleep, and yes…he winked at me during the show that we were watching.
And guess what? That wink is still the best, the smallest but the greatest, and it still wins me over.
As I’ve grown older with him, I’m trying to learn to be more observant and offer him little kindnesses as well. I love grandiose gestures for sure (who doesn’t?) but those aren’t too easy to come by right now during a pandemic. But I don’t feel at all like we’re choosing to “settle” for something less. Sometimes, the very least noticeable kindness is the one with the biggest result…a fluttering heart and a kiss on the cheek in response…because we feel so loved.
Yesterday, I organized his truck seat with a new box full of pockets and he was delighted. It was fun, and I can’t wait to find another way to bless him, because I have to work at it. He’s just servant-hearted and it comes naturally. That’s easy to overlook by a person like me, but I’m trying my best to notice, adore him, and love and relish all of the little winks from across the (now, not crowded) room in the coziness of our own living room with no one else around to see…but him and me.