As women, most of us started wearing multiple hats around the same time we learned to tie our shoes. We grew up learning to be different things for different people, usually carrying a majority of the invisible, emotional labor in our homes, while navigating the minefield of being both too much and not enough. So after decades of being pulled in a thousand different directions, being criticized by sometimes well-meaning family, leaders and random internet strangers for being too sensitive, or too driven, getting married too young or not young enough, having children or not for a million different reasons, staying home or having a career, while pouring from an empty cup, many of us feel like throwing in the towel.

 

We. Are. Tired.

 

Or at least I am. My knees hurt for no reason, no amount of exercise makes my belly look like it didn’t grow and carry 2 actual human beings inside it, and the recent, unwelcome addition of night sweats and hot flashes have pushed me fully into the “please kindly stick your opinions about me where the sun don’t shine” phase of adulthood.

 

Do I actually care what other people think about me? Unfortunately, the people pleasing part of my brain is not giving up without a fight, so yes, yes I do. However, the part of my brain responsible for actually doing anything about it has turned on its neon “closed for business” sign, and maybe that’s not all bad. Because through all of the things that life continues to throw my direction, I’m learning. And lucky (or unfortunately) for you, that usually means I’m sharing, too.

Here are a few highlights from my work in progress list of things I’ve learned about life, myself and other random unsolicited opinions, in no particular order of importance…my “this is 40-ish” manifesto.

 

1. We are enough, even at our worst. We are enough when we’re so exhausted down to our bones, when we don’t check off our endless to-do lists, or when we lost it on our kids/spouse/co-worker or dreamt of running away from home.  Still more than enough.

2. If you need someone who makes you feel like you have your life together, I’ve got you. I’m the friend who has already 100% forgotten about whatever it was I signed up to do tomorrow no matter how many calendars I put it in, my refrigerator is the place where salad and vegetables go to die and my house is best described as “there appears to have been a struggle” so you can feel better about your any of your own messes. You’re welcome.

3. Cupcakes are a breakfast food. They’re made with eggs and if you like chocolate you get bonus points for antioxidants. I don’t make the rules.

4. Keep snacks in your purse at all times. Period. No exceptions.

5. Your body is a jerk in your 40’s. You may wake up in a pool of your own sweat in the dead of winter. Having friends who will pluck random hairs from your chin that escaped your inspection is paramount. Everything hurts for no reason. You now need upstairs Tylenol, downstairs Tylenol and purse Tylenol. Just trust me.

6. Also, our moms did NOT prepare us for peri and/or full-blown menopause. They say they don’t remember it being bad. They’re either liars or have repressed the memories completely, which is something I understand more every day. Sorry, Momma. I love you but I’m also kind of mad.

7. Kindness is never the wrong choice. Remember the rule applies to you, too.

8. Self-care does not actually look like snail facials or massages, no matter what the newest bright and shiny social media influencers tell you. Caring for yourself can look like hiding in the closet with a tub of ice cream and a spoon, taking a walk with your bestie and spending half of it venting on a swing and not correcting your watch when it counts it as steps, or even choosing to say no.

9. We are not alone. We are chosen. We are loved. Exactly as we are. Every minute of every day. For God so loved the world…it’s a promise, and it’s ours.

10. Life is a beautiful, funny, chaotic, heartbreaking cycle. There’s no escaping it. But we have survived every single day. We find beauty in the breaking we endure and continue to rise from the ashes - stronger, brighter, and more than we were.

 

No matter where you are in your story right now, you are part of a sisterhood that stretches far beyond this moment. Women carrying forward what matters, breaking what needs breaking, and building a better world than the one we inherited. So love out loud. Stay curious. Look for beauty even when the world feels heavy. Because when women show up for each other and ourselves, the light gets a whole lot brighter.

 

 

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything.

Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you,

so you can be who you were made to be in the first place.”

Paulo Coelho