A DAY IN THE LIFEâ—½ ENCOURAGEMENT
It’s February! My favorite month of the year! (I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.) I actually just had to take a brief(ish) break to try to catch my breath because unless this is your first day here (and if it is, welcome to Crazy Town and I’m sorry in advance), you know that Valentine’s Day is probably shelved on my list of favorite holidays somewhere in the vicinity of National Mole Day. Yes, this is a real day and has something to do with smart, chemistry-ey and math-ey kind of people…I literally could not have made this up if I tried. And if you are this kind of brilliant human and understand the words I gave up googling, you’re awesome and I celebrate plenty of stuff I don’t understand, so I’ll totally watch a lot of Big Bang Theory re-runs to try to sound smart enough to not be embarrassing if you need a Mole Day party plus one. But, I digress…
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Obviously, I have feelings about this “holiday” and have adamantly refused to participate in buying overpriced flowers and chocolates to prove my love festivities since I was way too young to be that cynical. People who don’t know me tend to think either I’m jaded with a trail of exes, recently divorced, or some other incorrect assumption.
Funny enough, I do have “ex-boyfriends” - the majority of whom I’m actually still friends with - and I have watched them get married to wonderful people and some even raise fantastic smaller humans. So, jaded doesn’t exactly fit the bill. And better yet, I’m still married to the same man I said, “I do,” to almost 20 years ago, while sweating profusely through my dress. That’s because my 25-year-old brain thought a beautiful, scenic sunset wedding overlooking rolling green hills and a sparkling river would make up for the 9th ring of hell fire that is Texas heat in July. So right out of the gate, my husband was a saint. And the fact that he hasn’t made a run for it due to any number of even worse ideas I’ve had over the last 7,116 days we’ve been married is a straight up miracle.
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So, do I abhor Valentine’s Day? Yep, guilty. But I am a big fan of love. And I love both out loud and quietly. My love for the people in my life doesn’t just show up on one day a year, with flowers or fancy meals. It shows up in every single thing I do every single day, sometimes disguised as the coffee maker set up with a favorite coffee mug and an “I love you” sticky note. Sometimes it looks like listening to football stats and recruiting details that make my brain short circuit. Or sending my friends an endless stream of memes and TikTok videos because it’s one of our love languages. In full transparency, this happens in between all the times I forget that I only responded to their last text in my head and not in real life, essentially accidentally ghosting them, so there’s that.
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I’m also head over heels in love with my hubby – I love him more than when I first told him “I love you” and he tortured me for what felt like an hour, regardless of how many times he’s “assured” me it was only about 20 seconds, before he said it back (during which time I had already concocted a plan to jump out of the car because I didn’t see the giant grin on his face.) He knew I loved him long before I did, but was smart enough to wait for me…so the delay was probably payback, and more than when we said, “I do.” But more importantly, I love him differently now, too. Hopefully, better. Because our love isn’t all new, bright and shiny anymore. It’s been through fire…tested and tried and has the toughened look and feel of armor after battle, a picture of trust in the protection and strength it’s given. I think this well-worn love is so much more beautiful now because we know that it’s not timid or fragile and it can do hard things. And I’m so proud of it and us for everything we’ve done to build this kind of love.
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Now, I’ll be the first to tell you that it’s far from perfect and it’s not always pretty.
We get it wrong plenty of times, but we also figure out how
to get back to right again…together.
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So this month, on Valentine’s Day, instead of fancy dinners, or flowers, or heart shaped boxes of sweets (which, in my unsolicited opinion, taste better on my actual favorite holiday…50% Off Chocolate Day), I’m going to try to be more intentional with each act of love. For my husband, I’ll cuddle a little closer a little more often and try to remember the college football recruits’ names just to make him smile. For my kids, I’m going to carve out more time to put everything else aside and be present, savoring the moments they still come and snuggle on the couch and show me the most recent Tik Tok videos and silly memes they like. For my friends, I’m going to remember to text back in real life more often and reach out just to remind them how much they mean to me…along with our regular meme dump. And just maybe, I’ll find a way to love myself a little better, too.
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“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.”
Carroll Bryant