What then began was nine arduous years of my body and hair and emotions and thoughts changing like the weather here in Texas, where I live.  Unpredictable, pleasant one day and unbearable the next.  Of course, the first symptom was that my periods were off.  I first panicked that I was pregnant (even though my husband had been snipped).  But I was told that it was just menopause.

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I wasn’t about to enter this part of life without my husband being informed (along with myself), so I marched to the library and found a book with a list of “possible” menopause symptoms.  Wow, the list was so long it surprised me!  I asked (made) my husband sit down and read all of them with me, so he could know what to look for. 

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What I found out over the following years was that it was lonely, I had some symptoms other women didn’t have, and didn’t have symptoms that were high on the list.  I never had a hot flash. Before you that have been through it gasp with envy, I had plenty of other symptoms.  I lost a lot of hair, in the shower, and it alarmed me!  I became so irritable that even when my children sat next to me and barely rubbed my arm, I wanted to scream.  Who was I? I often asked that question.  What is happening to me?  I asked that one, too.  And it felt like these long years of belly bloat, losing elasticity in my skin and just having a moment when I saw that my arms looked so old from behind.  (Yes, I looked at myself from behind to see…)

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What was the hardest is that I felt alone and weird and odd, and it was scary.  And now that I look back, I do remember a couple of things that did help me survive through the part of life that sneaks up on you before you’re ever ready:

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I retreated often.  I ran to my room and shut the door and knelt by the bed and cried.  I asked God to be with me, to help me not hate everyone around me, and give me grace.  Usually, it wasn’t long before relief was mine and I entered the world of my family again.

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I talked to my husband.  I ranted and raved, and was mad that he wasn’t going through it.  But it felt better to make him well aware that I was.  Not sure if this was healthy or not, but It was for me.  It also made him realize how painful it was and how I was feeling on days when I wanted to push him away.

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I never took hormone pills or used lotions.  Not saying that’s a bad thing, I just didn’t use them.  I tried to start exercising and eating better, and mostly did lots of praying.  I cried so many times to God and I’m pretty sure it involved some screaming, on days when I felt crazy.  And that release helped.  Thank goodness He listens…

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Menopause is different for every woman, and the experience can last for a couple years or a decade, and it leaves its mark.  You’re no longer the woman you were when it began and it will feel as if it took the very life out of you, physically and emotionally.  But then…there are no more periods.  And that’s a happy dance if there ever was one.  That may be the only good thing about menopause. 

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However, on the other side of the years when you can have babies, there is sometimes a sadness to the finality of giving birth.  And that’s where God steps in as our father, our husband, our Lord and our Savior to start birthing other things in our spirits, our minds and our hearts.  He’s faithful like that.

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So be of good cheer.  Menopause is not the end all.  It’s just a phase, like the moon.  And for sure, the fullness and brightness will emerge again, once the waning and the sliver disappears…