COUSIN MOMS ◽ TIPS
Mom of Three
If I’m being honest, date nights – going out – are few and far between. We were in a season for a long while where we really didn’t want to leave the kids, because free nights were few, and we wanted to include them. Date nights are definitely important, but there is also a balance. For us, we do a good job of connecting on a daily basis – at night when the kids are asleep we chat and talk. Other times, we get a random night when kids are at a sports practice or with grandparents. This past season, while the kids were in school, my husband and I had lunch together because we both work at home! I do know that having time with him, dating him, is important. But only “date night” connections every so often is not enough, and we also have a budget, but day-to-day connections work as well.
It’s the day to day connections where we chat and spend time over coffee, or even a ride in the car to pick up the kids, that works for us! Our date nights don’t have to be big or fancy or every week. They can be a simple lunch or a shopping excursion to pick out wood floors for the house!
When we do have a designated date night, we often stay in (to save money). We watch a show we enjoy together, and have dinner at home, and make it cozy. If we do go out, it’s a coffee date for sure – and sometimes bowling! Our love language is coffee, and we sometimes play a game. We don’t visit the theater a lot, because we watch enough shows at home. We like to go somewhere that we can talk and do something, or even just walk around!
Sometimes we plan our dates nights together, or sometimes we surprise each other – especially on birthdays.
So both – date nights out and daily connections – are a great balance for us! I’ve been so grateful for this season. Finding time with toddlers is hard, but now that the kids are in school we have more time. We also love to serve together, and call that connection, because we are super compatible that way!
Parent Fails
by Charissa & Kamrin
Parents sometimes feel like a failure, for various reasons. It happens to all moms and dads. However, there are ways to move forward, refocus, and keep going and loving on our kids the best we know how. Be encouraged, as you read this month’s article
Kamrin
As far as parent failure, this is a hard thing to write about. It’s not fun to look at these things or face areas where we might have struggled and now moved forward. Mom life is hard in general. We wear our emotions on our sleeve and do everything to teach and protect and train the kids to be amazing adults of character, ones that seek the Lord and honor him. And while there are amazing books to read, at the end of the day it’s your own home and values that are so personal. On top of that, each kid is different. I’m sure my husband and I haven’t handled things perfectly. But I don’t want to get stuck in a failure mentality. I think we can all be encouraged to pray and listen to Him, and not social media or even emotions.
We basically have three (one almost) teens in the house. We are often tired and stressed and super busy, and so most of the time when I feel like a failure – I’m tired. Maybe I yelled instead of having a conversation.
I could have walked out and come back. Instead, I lost it, and that makes me cry. Then I wish I’d handled it differently, especially if the kids ask, “Are you mad at me?” Sometimes, there was no need to lose my voice, and I could have had a conversation.
Other times, I feel like maybe I’ve failed in teaching the kids enough about the Lord. We’ve been through some church struggles, and we didn’t realize that the kids saw church as my work. I didn’t have that struggle as a kid, and we’ve had a hard time as a family finding our footing. We spend time reading the Word and worshiping as a family. I want the kids to know Him, not just the church. And in turn, they will then want to go to church. It’s taken a long time, and we even now struggle somewhat. A good fit for a church can be hard. We have had to trust the Lord a lot in all of this.
Some of that “failure” is popping up when I see the kids struggle and they don’t know what decisions to make when they’re away from us. I might think that I forgot something or failed. I have to constantly take my own thoughts captive and remind myself that God’s got them, and he won’t fail, even though I might. Otherwise, I can potentially fail them by living in my own fears and a “not good enough” mentality. We can’t remember everything and we might not realize what we missed until later. When we feel as though we’ve failed, we can pray and ask God what’s going on, we can then work on it, and grow. We can listen to our spouse when he says, “You’re tired.” Then don’t “sit” on your feelings of failure.
There’s not a perfect recipe for parenting. But the only perfect ingredient is Christ. We will fail. But we are loved, and so are our kids. Jesus covers us all, when we just ask for help to grow. Then we can own up to our own mistakes to the kids, and all grow together. His love heals and He has grace and mercy, not just for our kids, but for us as parents.
Charissa
As a parent, there are many times I have felt that I’ve failed in my duties. But what those “failures” do is further justify my need for a Savior and my inability to live life on my own. I will never be a perfect mom, and I’m so glad my Jesus walks beside me every step of the way in motherhood.
There are little things I’ve done, like forgetting to bring an item to school for the girls, or running late to pick them up… accidentally shutting the car door on my daughter’s hand, leaving the curling iron on when my eldest was two. All of those little things can make a mom feel defeated in the moment.
The biggest challenge I have is maintaining my patience during discipline or simply when all my kids are on a whole other level! If you’re a mom, I know you can relate. Adding a third child definitely added to this challenge - she is a different breed! When my children deliberately disobey, or when I repeat myself 1,000 times before they actually do what I asked - it becomes super frustrating. There are times I have absolutely lost my cool, and I can see the shock in my girls’ eyes.
Those are the moments where I have to walk away, regain my composure, and pray. It’s okay that my girls have seen the raw & vulnerable side of me - it shows them I’m human, and I make mistakes. As a mom, I’ve apologized to my girls and used it as an opportunity to teach on grace & forgiveness.
This is what makes motherhood beautiful. It’s hard world, being a mom is exhausting, and Lord knows I will make mistakes along the way. However, He uses this journey to not only help me shape & guide my kids in His ways - but uses it to continually refine ME. Besides being a wife to my husband, being a mom is my greatest calling!
Thank the Lord HE is in control and not me!