SEVEN FOR YOU ◽ TIPS
Confidence
Our Panel of Women
Confidence is something we all need, and yet most of us can totally recall and lay out all the areas where we do NOT feel one bit confident. And it usually is a memory from childhood where something happened, we felt ashamed, and confidence waned. But then we grew up. And we learned that we DO have confidence in areas we never dreamed we would. So we asked the women on our panel, and they shared their oh-so-good answers with us this month!
Confidence is complicated. It ebbs and flows. One minute I’m radiating confidence and the next I’m a shrinking violet hoping to disappear. Can I confidently maintain a rapid pace of play with my Monday Mahjong gals? Yes!
There’s no question I can transform a few thrifted pieces into a uniquely stylish outfit. And I’m confident my homemade cinnamon rolls could get me to the next round on a television baking competition. But I’ll never know because I lack the social confidence needed to feel at ease in unknown situations and would crumble under the self-imposed pressure to exude the outgoing, bubbly personality needed to be on said baking show.
I’m confident that when I’m determined to learn a new skill or achieve a goal, I’ll put forth the hard work and effort necessary to succeed. That’s God-confidence. Believing with Him I can do anything. But when it comes to self-confidence around physical appearance? That’s haaarrrddd. I think most women struggle with this, especially as we age. I might have a nano-second thinking my aging face isn’t hideous, but then I make the mistake of comparing my 55 year-old reflection to the 30 year-old flawless beauty walking by and every speck of confidence is crushed. It’s a constant struggle to silence the inner critic that squashes self-confidence and instead invite God-confidence to prevail. – Jennifer
I was not a confident girl growing up because I thought I was chubby and therefore had no chance of being pretty. I thought pretty equaled confidence. Now, when I look at pictures of my young self, I see I was a normal weight and a cute kid. But I didn’t feel pretty. I did have confidence in academics. I was a good speller, and math came easily. And I loved reading and writing. But that wasn’t the same as being thin and pretty.
Now that I have arrived in my mid-century years, how I see confidence has flipped. How I view my size no longer consumes me. I have to exercise several times a week and eat only natural foods due to an autoimmune disease, so that keeps me at a steady size. I have found my style, which is vintage with a little Goth mixed in, and that gives me confidence. I feel like I am more of who God created me to be. That makes me smile, which is confidence in itself. – Angela
There were many areas where I had no confidence when I was young. I was generally shy and felt inadequate in my abilities. A teacher asked if I would be editor of the school paper and I said no because I didn't feel confident! How sad. I was also hesitant to express my ideas and was afraid everything I said sounded dumb. It took some time, but I finally learned that I have value and my ideas are often good ones.
Areas I'm confident in now are gardening, writing, and using power tools. My confidence grew as I learned more about these things, and practiced. After many years of doing them, I feel fairly confident that I can grow things, write decently, and I can fix and build things even though it's not my favorite thing to do. - Dina
I feel like I've always been a pretty confident person, and I credit my mom for that. She was a confident woman, and I feel like I gleaned from her. However, there are a couple of areas I was never confident in, even as a young child. One is water sports. I never had a lot of upper strength, or extreme swimming skills, so I never liked going to parties where water sports were involved! A second area I was never confident in was feeling like I was enough. I always felt lacking in a lot of areas and constantly strived to be approved of by others, and by my parents. It was exhausting living that way!
As far as confidence, I do have a confident sense of fashion (again, gleaned from my mom - the best seamstress and clothing designer!). I don't really care if what I wear is just like what others are wearing - who are my age. I like paving my own way, and I really enjoy the whole process of getting dressed. It's like art, to me! I'm also confident in cooking. I didn't used to be! After my kids were grown, I started watching a lot of cooking shows and learned so much that it inspired me to create in the kitchen. It's now a hobby and a pleasure, and I love cooking for myself and my kids! Or little treats for others.- Marcy
As a child, I stuttered. Sometimes, it was severe. In school, they added classes to improve my speech, and I was always embarrassed when they called my name to attend my "special class.” I was bullied throughout my childhood. My third-grade teacher hit me and made me stay in at recess for something that was out of my control. I stopped talking and turned to books. When I read, the words in my head were clear with no stuttering. I started to write when I was in 6th grade....again, no stuttering.
My Dad was in the military, and we moved every three to four years, leaving my friends behind and starting over didn't help my confidence. I climbed trees to sit and I
hid in the woods away from the ugly comments from the other kids. It was in the woods that I found an old Catholic priest's bible and took it home. There was history and wisdom in that book. It gave me comfort reading about His love for all of us.
I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Mr. Han Chee. He was our oration and speech teacher in high school. He understood me; he knew I was afraid of speaking. He asked me to stay behind my day after the bell rang and read the speech I wrote just to him. The next day, he asked me to pick two friends I trusted to read it to them and to him. The next thing I knew, I was in UIL for Speech and Debate. I lettered in Debate! What a far cry from the silent girl to the one debating in front of judges and others.
I was the Director of Training for a 10-county area where I worked....no one saw that coming. Nothing is forever...faith tells us to hold on and push for the life we want...and I pushed as hard as I could. – Cathy
I am a naturally confident and friendly person. I am pretty sure I came out of the womb bossing and connecting people. But there are a couple of areas where I lack confidence and will shy away from tasks and leadership. One is anything to do with a microphone. I don't know why, but I historically turn into a blubbering, confused mess when I have a microphone in my hand. I really hate it. I wish I could practice and get better, but once you make a fool of yourself on one of those, people tend to not hand them to you anymore…
I also struggle at parties. I am deaf in my right ear. My left ear picks up background noise before voices, so I am left feeling very isolated and unconfident in a loud, crowded setting. In order to hear, I have to be in just the right position, with my head awkwardly close to someone, then I risk breathing bad breath on them to respond, and it just snowballs from there. So I tend to avoid loud places, restaurants, etc. I'll also add that I am not confident in dressing up, so crowded parties are just a no-go for me. I much prefer a small party or no party at all. Or give me an outdoor party with children, and I'll be as happy as a lark!
A couple things I feel confident in: I feel confident in gardening...not so much that I'll succeed, but that I will learn and enjoy it. I see gardening as a life-long science experiment. Many people think they don't have a "green thumb" when, in reality, they just need to keep experimenting. Try different lighting, location, or just the same plant in the exact situation. Sometimes it is just the plant's fault and a new one will live!
I also feel confident to pray for anyone. I will talk to and pray for a complete stranger if I feel the Holy Spirit urges me to do so. God's love I feel in my spirit for people overwhelms my fear almost every time. I believe he cares about the details of people's lives. He sees, he knows, and he cares. He is so full of compassion. Almost everyone will let me pray for them, too. Who doesn't want to be interrupted in their day to be reminded that God knows them and loves them? – Laura
I don’t want to sound like a cliché, but my confidence comes from God. When I was a little girl, I had lots of confidence. I felt loved and accepted by everyone, everywhere I went.
Then my mom died. I was nine years old and all those friends started to act differently toward me. Enough so that over the next few years I lost all confidence and trust in people and in myself. I didn’t have nice clothes to look presentable, and I didn’t have a nice home to be happy in. But I did have, every once in a while, as I’m sure God saw was needed, some person or event that gave me just enough encouragement to keep me going. One example of this was making percussion in the band in sixth grade. And I only went to tryouts to get out of class.
Through these years, I didn’t consider the things and people I encountered might’ve been from God. I was unhappy to the point I stopped praying to Him. Then later, as I became a young adult, I turned back to God and the Bible. I started to read how God doesn’t care about what I wear or what kind of home I have. I learned what was important to Him was what I had on the inside, in my heart. As I learned more, I started to have confidence from knowing God accepted me just as I was and still am. I learned to thank Him in everything I did because He showed me how or gave me the strength needed.
I do try to look nice, now that I can afford it, and I do enjoy having a welcoming home. It’s the home He gave us and it’s always open for whatever He leads us to use it for. And knowing that my Heavenly Father has given me all I have now and guides me with joy I thought I’d never know, it gives me all the confidence in the world. Cliché? Maybe so. But that’s my honest truth. – Carole
Confidence has been an interesting journey for me because it wasn't something that came naturally at a young age. Growing up as one of eleven children, there simply wasn't a lot of opportunity for individual attention, and resources were often stretched thin. While my parents worked hard to provide for our family, much of what I witnessed was survival - meeting responsibilities, making sacrifices, and doing whatever was necessary to get by. There wasn't always room to pursue individual dreams or nurture personal talents. As a result, I developed a tendency to stay in the background and often lacked confidence in my own voice, abilities, and aspirations. What's interesting is that even when I began modeling, a profession that requires visibility and appears to demand confidence, I was actually very shy. Standing in front of a camera or on a runway didn't automatically mean I felt secure in myself. In many ways, modeling challenged me to grow beyond my comfort zone and taught me that confidence is less about being fearless and more about being willing to show up despite your fears. Over time, through life experience, personal growth, and repeatedly pushing myself to try new things, I developed a stronger belief in my own worth and abilities.
Today I have a great deal of confidence in my resilience, adaptability, and ability to connect with people. Growing up, I learned the value of hard work and perseverance, but I also had to learn that it's okay to pursue my own goals and take up space. One lesson I have learned about confidence is that it isn't about always feeling certain. It is also about trusting myself enough to keep moving forward and showing up. I've worked hard to grow in confidence, and am grateful for the humble process. - Christina