When a girl becomes engaged, suddenly she sees a ring on every engaged girl on the college campus, at work, or even while waiting in line for food.  The diamonds sparkle and shine, and she’s happy that she too has one on her finger – or not.  I did.  But we didn’t have much money, so we opted for a small diamond. 

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It wasn’t until years later, when we encountered financial difficulty and loss, that I began to realize my diamond was a lot smaller than the ones shining on the fingers of my friends.  I began comparing all that I was losing, with all that my friends were gaining.  I honestly didn’t care about diamonds, the size of them, or any such thing, until I began thinking that God preferred to bless others more than he did me. 

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This was the first thought pattern that affected my view of the ring. 

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When I was first married, I wouldn’t think of not wearing my ring out in public.  But I realized after a couple of decades, I was leaving it off more and more, tucked away in my jewelry drawer, forgetting to place it on my third finger daily, as I had always done.  And it wasn’t because I forgot to wear it, or it was uncomfortable, or anything practical like that.  It was a subtle attitude I began wearing, instead of my ring.

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I was going through another phase in marriage, the one where the wife becomes dissatisfied with just about everything, and subtly blames her husband.  He’s not spiritual enough. He’s not rich enough. He’s just not like I thought he would be by now.  You know the thoughts, because you’ve had them too.

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My action of not wearing my ring on more days than I did wear it was demonstrating on the outside what I was feeling on the inside – bummed with the state of my marriage.  But in reality, my marriage was good.  I just felt slighted somehow because I wasn’t getting everything “I” wanted and thought “I” needed.  I felt “he” wasn’t meeting up to all of my expectations. 

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Now, I wasn’t thinking each morning any such thought and purposefully leaving my ring in the drawer.  But I realized, after a while, that my heart wasn’t in the ring anymore, and I didn’t care whether I wore it or not. 

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This was the second thought pattern that affected my view of the ring.

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So what’s the problem with not wearing your wedding ring? There could be no problem at all, but it’s worth checking your heart.  Are you not wearing your wedding ring anymore?  Or maybe you’ve quit dressing up for a night out.  Perhaps you’ve lost your zeal to make a meal or prepare anything at all for your spouse, because of your own disappointments or because decades have rolled by and you’ve settled into not caring.  It could be that you no longer look into his eyes because all you see is a man you “used” to love and admire.

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The issue isn’t really with the ring, at all.  It’s with our hearts.

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Think back to the instance, or set of circumstances, where your initial zeal of the wedding ring, the marriage vows, or even that first kiss lost its appeal and happiness, and consider the hurt that started you on a path away from him.  If it’s huge and unbearable to get past, seek help from a counselor or friend.  It it’s silly and selfish, repent and start to love again.

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Marriage is too precious, the ring is too pretty, and the vows are too compelling to waste another day despising the things that you once held dear.

The wedding ring.  Is it in your drawer or on your finger?  And why is it where it is?