AFTER 40 YEARS ◽ MARRIAGE
Contented
by Marcy Lytle
I thought about not writing this marriage column anymore after April 4, the day Jon went to be with Jesus. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, losing my every day friend I lived with for over 47 years. But honestly, I feel like I could write a lifetime about our marriage, even though there won’t be any new experiences to share. So, until I run out of the goodness of the gift of my husband, I will continue to share. I hope you enjoy these articles and they enhance your time with your love…
As I’ve been going through photos on my phone, I found a lot of photos of me kissing Jon on the cheek. Yes, I asked him to pose for the photo, but he never ever said no, or turned his head away. He always gladly accepted a kiss from me, any time of day, any place. In fact, he never said no to any photo I asked to take of him, whether it was starting out on a road trip, or asking him to pose in his new Skechers, or even when
he was doing the twist on the sidewalk, as a musician played on the streets. And…he never asked to see the photo or to touch it up, like I would have done.
In fact, I look at every photo before I post it to make sure I don’t look too old, too fat, too odd or too silly. I think a lot of us do this. And I’m sure it’s normal. But what I loved about my husband is that he just loved being with me. He truly did. He didn’t care what we were doing. He was content. I tried to glean from him all of the years we had, but I never quite acquired that virtue of contentment.
Contented with how I looked
Contented with who I was
Contented with what I was doing
He was all that and more. He was just a contented sort of guy, in every circumstance in life. I rarely saw him get his feathers ruffled, even at work, which I know was stressful at times. And when I was the one ruffling his feathers, he reacted at times, but within minutes after our argument…he was loving and content once more. He never remembered or held an offense against me.
How does someone live like this? All I know is that Jon knew the beauty of the grace of Jesus, and his love for Jon.
When Jon was seven years old, he used to sit on the back row of the church with a very old man, he told me. Jon’s parents were singing in the choir, and Jon had no one else to sit with. At the end of one Sunday morning service, the song “Just as I Am” was playing. Jon told me that it just caught his heart that Jesus loved him so much. And 7-year old Jon ran to the front and gave his heart to Jesus.
Jon carried that simple childlike faith with him throughout his life, on into our marriage. And that gift of faith was what carried me, many times. Faith in knowing he was loved by Jesus enabled him to be content in whatever state he was.
When we lost our home and started all over, Jon was content and happy.
When I wanted to shop or grab food and eat in the car or take a walk, Jon said yes.
When he took those walks with me, his mind was uncluttered as he observed nature. Contented.
I’ve been anything but content since April 4. I’ve been sorrowful to the depths of sorrow I didn’t know were possible to live through. But I’ve been noticing a lot more in nature myself, as I drive and observe the flowers and the trees, the sunrise and the sunset, and how all of nature teaches us the rhythm of being rooted, swaying in the wind, and leaning into the light. And they don’t “toil or spin” we are told in the Good Book. And then we are reminded that our heavenly Father is over all of creation as it sits under his rule.
I suppose that’s where contentment starts…and ends. And when we are contented… it’s like bringing gold to our marriage, the kind that’s worth its weight…forever.