INNER STRENGTH ◽ YOU
Have you ever heard someone say, “They are wired differently?” I often describe my boys as being wired differently. Then I usually say, “But they have similarities. too.” Why is it that I do that? Is it because people get this look on their face like I don’t know what I mean, so I have a feel the need to balance out my answer? It’s hard enough being a single parent; much less one who struggles to find single moms that understand what parenting a child with special needs is like.
I admit, when I’m having one of those exhausting single mom days and I think about the phrase wired differently, part of me is saddened and my heart is heavy-laden. Do I agree with the rationale behind the feeling? No. In fact, neurological differences I find interesting. And being open to learning more about the science, I understand my boys on a different level.
What do I mean, being wired differently? Being wired differently carries both formal and informal meanings. My son’s ABA counselor is who first shed light on the neurological term neurodivergent. It’s important to know that it’s a category, not a character trait. The commonality amongst that type of wiring is that they are navigating a world the best they can, given that their minds aren’t cookie cutter pieces.
Formal Definition: An umbrella term used to describe people whose brain function, structure, and neurological development diverge from what is considered "typical." It encompasses a broad range of conditions including (but not limited to) Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, and Dyspraxia.
Informal Definition: Their brains process information, sensory input, and emotions in a way that is unique to their own internal "blueprint."
In doing my own research, I’ve come to discover that there are subcategories to neurodivergent. When I tell people my kids are wired differently, that’s not the accurate picture.
For example, let’s look at what it’s like for my boys to play a Roblox game together. Brendan, who has autism, is hyper focused on the goal of the game. He is pretty quiet most of the time. Every now and then he will react to what happens – his affect changes - he may even smile if it’s going well.
My other son with ADHD like symptoms and dyslexia will address his brother, tell him where to go, how to stay with him, etc. He will get upset if his character is killed. His brother doesn’t respond to his requests. It’s like he’s being ignored which just makes things worse. According to how Brendan’s version of neurodivergent works, getting that additional feedback is too much for him to respond to; and yet the other version doesn’t know how to work the game without conversing with the other player.
So the lesson here is that while I can say that they both like to play video games, the way they make sense of that “play” is very different.
When my boys play sports, such as tennis and kicking the soccer ball, one wouldn’t think any differently about how their brains are wired. It’s crucial after learning about neurodivergent versus neurotypical, to keep away from labeling kids as one way or another. Utilize it as a tool to understanding. Understanding leads to appreciation, which is a beautiful thing.
It takes inner strength to absorb all this, but if I can do it, so can you!