UNPREPARED - ENCOURAGEMENT
Intimacy
by Marcy Lytle
We may as well hit this topic now, because it’s one for sure that no one ever prepared me for, or talked about at all. And I don’t know if other women talk among themselves about this topic, or if most women have had the same experience as I’ve had…or not. And that experience is the change in physical intimacy as we age.
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First of all, I’m sure that it comes up on our feed or in a post, once we hit a certain age, but we probably all know and realize that our bodies aren’t as they were back in our 20’s when we hit that middle (to older) age. But neither is his. Age does have its way of slowing things down, in more ways than one.
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Obviously, night time might not be the best time for that physical intimacy, because very often we’re more tired than we used to be. So that could be a consideration, for sure. And frequency might be less, just because it’s a bit harder to maintain and feel all the things. Therefore, these two things alone might require adjustment.
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I do recall talking to other friends when I was younger, and a lot of women lost interest in sex after having kids, and just went through the motions after that. So maybe getting older might be a welcome to them, if their husband is less interested. But if both husband and wife have always enjoyed intimacy, then it might be a sadness to find that their bodies are slowing down. It may feel like a terrible loss.
That being said, the cool thing about losing that physical intimacy in the frequency, and the pleasure of it all, is that there are some awesome ways to be intimate without the sexual act that you’ve enjoyed all those previous years.
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There will be a different kind of love that emerges as you approach this new mark that you’re so unprepared for, if you look for it, and you yearn for it. And instead of being sad and thinking your marriage closeness is waning, it can actually grow so much more intimate in so many ways.
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Holding hands and each other’s arm will be an intimacy all new and special, as you age. Still grabbing each other’s hands in a movie and while sitting, or walking, does wonders for the body and the soul.
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Gazing at his now aging face and seeing those lines and marveling at the years you’ve been together will draw you in, to admire this man that has loved you and been with you and raised your family together.
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There can be dances in the morning, while you’re getting ready, and these will excite you and keep you smiling all day, even though no physical union resulted. Your hearts connected.
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You’ll watch the news, talk to your kids, discuss life and all of its changes, and you’ll learn to be more grateful for what you have, and this will fill you up.
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And…if you choose to…there can be spiritual connections together where you read the Word, pray for others, and listen to music that you both love and enjoy. Every single day.
In other words, the loss of what you’re missing physically becomes a gain in what you receive in an intimacy you’ve been waiting for, for decades.
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I realize that some marriages have already waned in lots of ways over the years, in intimacy and respect and even love. And for those marriages that are struggling, I encourage you to seek counsel, to forgive past hurts and regrets, and to move forward toward a personal relationship with Christ, who is the only One who satisfies. And then see if you don’t reconnect again with passion…of a different kind.
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It’s not easy, aging, at all. But every season of life has its challenges, and He is the ruler of all the seasons, each one beautiful in its own way.