COUSIN MOMS â—½ TIPS
Mom of Three
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If I’m being honest, date nights – going out – are few and far between. We were in a season for a long while where we really didn’t want to leave the kids, because free nights were few, and we wanted to include them. Date nights are definitely important, but there is also a balance. For us, we do a good job of connecting on a daily basis – at night when the kids are asleep we chat and talk. Other times, we get a random night when kids are at a sports practice or with grandparents. This past season, while the kids were in school, my husband and I had lunch together because we both work at home! I do know that having time with him, dating him, is important. But only “date night” connections every so often is not enough, and we also have a budget, but day-to-day connections work as well.
It’s the day to day connections where we chat and spend time over coffee, or even a ride in the car to pick up the kids, that works for us! Our date nights don’t have to be big or fancy or every week. They can be a simple lunch or a shopping excursion to pick out wood floors for the house!
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When we do have a designated date night, we often stay in (to save money). We watch a show we enjoy together, and have dinner at home, and make it cozy. If we do go out, it’s a coffee date for sure – and sometimes bowling! Our love language is coffee, and we sometimes play a game. We don’t visit the theater a lot, because we watch enough shows at home. We like to go somewhere that we can talk and do something, or even just walk around!
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Sometimes we plan our dates nights together, or sometimes we surprise each other – especially on birthdays.
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So both – date nights out and daily connections – are a great balance for us! I’ve been so grateful for this season. Finding time with toddlers is hard, but now that the kids are in school we have more time. We also love to serve together, and call that connection, because we are super compatible that way!
Those Full Days
by Charissa & Kamrin
Every mom has full days, exhaustion is a real thing, and the endless lists of tasks never ceases. Is there a perfect solution? Not really. But encouraging each other in how we survive when life is full, the kids are busy, and dinner still has to be on the table…while you keep everyone sane and together…including yourself! And moms are working moms, whether they work outside the home or at home. How in the world do we manage these always completely full days?
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Kamrin
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I am not wired like so many other moms, and I need a lot of help from my husband. When it comes to home stuff, keeping everything put together, I feel like he does most of it! Let me explain…
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My heart has always been to stay home with my kids, and I’m glad I’ve been able to do that for 14 years. I’ve worked from the house and subbed at the school, but I have a lot of flexibility. So maybe I don’t have the exhaustion from being a fulltime working mom. But choosing our lifestyle does affect us other ways, like in having one main income. Financially, one income has become harder and harder with our kids at the ages they are. So we are shifting back to me working outside the home.
My husband works from home. He’s a better stay-at-home mom than I am, because he’s able to balance things. I focus and have to finish from beginning to end. He’s better at laundry while he’s working, putting away dishes, etc. He’s a morning person and I am not, so he makes the lunches and gets the kids to school. Household chores are not my favorite, but I love meal planning and grocery lists. I’m then able to do other things for my family with who I am. I am better with the calendars, schedules, when homework is due, etc. So because he remembers laundry and cleaning and dishes, this gives me the freedom to manage everything else.
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This is our lifestyle and I’m so grateful, and because of his help, I’m not always exhausted. I admire moms who work 40 hours and do mom life, but I just can’t. Or moms who parent alone, it must be so hard.
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My tips are…
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Find your people –It can be your spouse, a friend, a neighbor… Having those you can call to pick up your kid, or ask to carpool to practice. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. In sports, get to know the parents, as you will all need each other.
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Intentionally plan – Even though we are both at home working, groceries and cooking meals and on the go meals, etc. is important. We are gone almost every night of the week now that I’m subbing, I have to be intentional to plan on the day that I can. For me, it’s Thursday. I plan, I make grocery list, then see who can do what. My kids know this. They give me their lists of their needs, what they want for breakfast or lunch. This helps us face the weekend. I make notes of crockpot day, sandwich day, cook and go, etc. This helps me shut off the tabs in my brain!
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No is a full sentence – It has taken me a long time to learn that I don’t have to say yes to everything. I don’t have to be at every event or volunteer. I do say yes when I can. But saying no is just as vital. It’s not healthy to always say yes, and I say that from personal experience. I had been afraid of letting people down. But not having time for rest, and quiet time or to just be with my kids wasn’t healthy. Boundaries is one of the best books I’ve read!
Although my tips aren’t practical like use a crockpot, use Pinterest, etc. every family is different. Sometimes, moms feel like a failure if they can’t do it all. Maybe God had parents in mind when he created a day of rest! It’s exhausting to keep up with the fast-paced world. We cannot do all the things, but we can keep ourselves mentally set.
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Finally, days when I don’t have time with the Lord I will feel exhausted. That time is essential to my rest. We were not created to run on fumes and live in survival mode. And of course, I can’t forget lots and lots of coffee! Add coffee to all of the above! And one of my favorite things to do? Sit on my daughter’s bed and just listen to her…
Charissa
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It is a very chaotic life when raising three little ones, owning a business, working full time, and a having house to care for. However, there are a few things I do to manage:
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Taking care of myself. I have been prioritizing for the past six months to a year my physical health. I set aside time to work-out several times a week. It helps me physically and spiritually. Working out gives me more energy and allows me to be present with my kids. It also shows my kids the importance of taking of your body. Sometimes, our needs get put to the side and we burn out. We can’t take care of others if we don’t take care of ourselves. I also try to eat the best I can and fuel my body with things that give me energy.
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Looking ahead at the schedule. My husband I share a Google calendar so we see everything that’s going on, kids’ commitments, our commitments, what we have to do…looking ahead. We plan so I can set my expectations correctly. Sometimes, it’s like…you know what? Tuesday is going to be a very busy night. We won’t have much time together, so we will eat out. Or we look for time to spend quality time together, thinking about…what are going to be the busy nights…and just setting ourselves up for what’s to come. Of course, there are always surprises. Intentionally looking at the schedule and finding quality time with the family and taking advantage of that, is a big help.
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Chores and housework – letting go of control. I’ve been trying to let some of the housework transfer to my kids, and let go of my expectations there. The kids are not going to do the chores the way I would do them. However, letting them do the chores instills in them responsibility and teaches them how to care for their own homes one day. This also releases the pressure of me having to do everything. My 9 and 7 year olds are learning how to do their own laundry. They have a laundry basket and are learning how to care for their own clothes. They help with the dishwasher and with taking out the trash. We focus more as a team and offer a family effort. We all live in this home and take care of it. Of course, there are days when I go in and I pick up everything and re-do what the girls did, and come behind them some. But letting go of that control, and allowing my family to step in and help, is a huge stress reliever. This helps keep our house tidy. For my husband’s and my personalities, having a clean home helps us to be more relaxed in everything else we do.
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Obviously, there is lots of prayer and grace as well. Especially during the busy season with sports and activities, taking time with God is important. And it’s okay to give ourselves grace for those long and hard days. It’s okay to be thankful for what we do have!