I DON'T DO TEENAGERS â—½ HOME
The three teens (one is still a tween…) in our family lost their “Mister” last month and it was hard to watch and observe and wonder how they were processing it all. I saw their parents strain at the burden of caring for their children, while they themselves were grieving. And one always wonders if kids really get it, if they’re really voicing what they feel, and how to navigate sad waters with them.
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Here’s what I noticed…
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The oldest and the most sensitive reacted with more questions, questions even adults have, and we all prayed and trusted that we’d know what to say, how to say it, and leave the rest up to God. But the way he reacted warmed my heart ten times over. He wanted to sit near me. He even got up from the restaurant table and switched chairs to just sit by me. That was pure gold.
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The middle one, 13 years old, didn’t say much at all but just sat quietly. However, she asked if she could hang with me one evening. We ate, we watched a movie and even painted together. After, she asked if she could share a song with me. “Dancing in the Sky” by Zita. It was perfect, for her, and for me. It bonded us. We held each other while we listened. She hurt, and I hurt with her, and we felt the loss together,
The youngest, not quite a teen yet…but more of a tween…well he seemed the most aloof. But he was anything but. The next Sunday after he lost his Mister he wanted to go with me for the afternoon.
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He thought of indoor golf, buying a Fuggler at Walmart, and stopping for flavored tea on the way home. It was really something, being with him – which was pure joy. Right alongside the pain that ran deep in my heart as we had fun…without their Mister.
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Later, I thanked them all in a group text and the youngest wrote back and said, “No problem, I loved it…thank you.”
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They each reacted in their own way that was true to their own personality. God made them that way. And they have been just what I needed.
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If your teens are suffering a loss, a deep and sorrowful one, they may not cry…they may go right back to what they were doing…but they’re processing. Let them process and react in time, as you love them and hold them and cry with them.
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God has a way of taking care of all of us…in His way…the best way.
