INNER STRENGTH â—½ YOU
Our Truth
by Michelle Wyatt
Whose opinions do you listen to? Do you think you are a good parent/guardian?
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We know the truth of who we are. And while some may say, “Oh, I don’t care what people think,” we often remember feedback we were given at one time or another regarding our parenting. It’s up to us whether we take that feedback as our truth, or put it aside as “something someone once said.”
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So how do we find our truth? We listen to our gut, pray, trust in God, and trust ourselves.
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Kids give us feedback in their own way. It may be in a cute way, hard, and even confusing way sometimes. For example, in last month’s article I shared about my boys showing compassion towards squirrels and loving every minute of it. My other favorite moments include the boys and me taking turns being covered in beanie babies and stuffed animals. Thankfully, we reminded each other to leave room to breathe! This playful time of being “buried” by beanie babies is actually something that was passed on to me by my mom who would “bury” my cousin Nick. But if there aren’t enough beanie babies or stuffed animals to busy our children, there are lots of ways to get donations these days. (Feel free to leave a comment and I can help get you them.) The boys’ feedback was shown in the way of their calm bodies, asking that a photo be taken, and then wanting another turn.
From my experience working with my son Brendan’s occupational therapist a long time ago, having the weight of stuffed animals on a child can give just the right amount of sensory feedback that some children need.
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When I think of hard times, I think of my boys and when they are cranky. I’ve learned that children who seem cranky have a need that hasn’t been met. We don’t always know what that is and or how to fix it, which personally is one of the hardest parts of parenting for me. It’s kind of like learning a baby’s different cries, and it applies to older kids, too. Over time it may get easier, but as life gets complicated, I have found it’s not so easy anymore. For example, in my case, I share custody of the boys. When they come spend time with me and one of them is cranky, I wonder is it because of some immediate need like they are hungry or tired, or is it because of something that happened at their dad’s? In my experience, kids don’t always know how to clarify the feedback they give. So, it’s a matter of trial and error. When it’s out of our control, that feeling of helplessness is so tough.
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So, what do we do?
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We accept them, love them, support them, and give them space to express their emotions and accept who they are at that moment. It’s so hard, though, right? Seeing that range of emotion and behavior from being mad, disappointed, impulsive, and back talking, to then those hard tears - that’s when we know something is really up. We want to take away that pain. But as hard as it is, sometimes the best thing to do is let them hurt. As someone that grew up in a co-dependent home where I was under pressure to always be smiling, it is so against my nature to say that. We do want our kids to feel safe expressing a wide range of emotions, though. And at the end of the day, a hug and a hello from one of their favorite stuffed animals can be a great way to let them know we are here and they are safe.
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So, the next time you wonder if you are doing a good job as a parent, I hope you’ll see your truth through your own eyes and those of your children’s.
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If I can do it, so can you!