COUSIN MOMS â—½ TIPS
Mom of Three
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If I’m being honest, date nights – going out – are few and far between. We were in a season for a long while where we really didn’t want to leave the kids, because free nights were few, and we wanted to include them. Date nights are definitely important, but there is also a balance. For us, we do a good job of connecting on a daily basis – at night when the kids are asleep we chat and talk. Other times, we get a random night when kids are at a sports practice or with grandparents. This past season, while the kids were in school, my husband and I had lunch together because we both work at home! I do know that having time with him, dating him, is important. But only “date night” connections every so often is not enough, and we also have a budget, but day-to-day connections work as well.
It’s the day to day connections where we chat and spend time over coffee, or even a ride in the car to pick up the kids, that works for us! Our date nights don’t have to be big or fancy or every week. They can be a simple lunch or a shopping excursion to pick out wood floors for the house!
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When we do have a designated date night, we often stay in (to save money). We watch a show we enjoy together, and have dinner at home, and make it cozy. If we do go out, it’s a coffee date for sure – and sometimes bowling! Our love language is coffee, and we sometimes play a game. We don’t visit the theater a lot, because we watch enough shows at home. We like to go somewhere that we can talk and do something, or even just walk around!
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Sometimes we plan our dates nights together, or sometimes we surprise each other – especially on birthdays.
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So both – date nights out and daily connections – are a great balance for us! I’ve been so grateful for this season. Finding time with toddlers is hard, but now that the kids are in school we have more time. We also love to serve together, and call that connection, because we are super compatible that way!
Back to What?
by Charissa & Kamrin
Kamrin
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Going back to analog, or getting rid of technology, etc. It’s definitely a discussion we have because our kids are very computer-based even at school. Screens are in front of them a lot. It’s a world of technology for everything. However, there is a balance and it looks different for each family.
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If my daughter didn’t have a phone or Ipad, then she’d be on the phone chatting with her friends. I like it because they chat and work on homework, and that community of friends is an outlet. She’s not scrolling. The other day her friends weren’t available, so she was building Legos. I feel like that’s a good balance!
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My boys are outside most of the time, as they love playing sports. So I don’t feel like the phones are too much of an issue. I’m sure many disagree, and some of their friends still don’t have cell phones. I’m grateful for the phones though, for the kids to have a connection with us when they’re at all of their activities. The kids communicate with us a lot.
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I will say that it is important to have disconnect times, not even from just technology but from the crazy world. Our kids are very active and enjoy trying new things and are in different activities. I love that they’re active physically. Some may say we’re too busy, but it’s a good busy, in my opinion. We love that they try new things and make friends and build community.
They have used their brains and gifts and creativity, how to be on a team, how to serve, how to pivot, so many things! I think that helps, and because they’re involved in activities, they’re not on technology.
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As far as disconnecting from just the busyness, I try to keep the temperature on things. If we are all exhausted, what do we reset? We have a family night where we play board games. We love the Family Adventure book together. We sometimes leave our phones at home and get blizzards at DQ and laugh and joke, and we are silly. Those are moments where we disconnect from schedules and busyness.
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Balance is knowing your kids and family, and paying attention to your own thermometer and red flags. We don’t have to be like other families, or follow what social media says. It’s not always easy. Some seasons are way harder than others, and some seasons we thrive…and then there’s the mundane. Conversations with our kids are key. Sometimes I just sit in their rooms for a few minutes and ask how their day was.
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It’s not really about technology versus analog, but it’s making sure that family is the center. I had an analog lifestyle growing up, and I still wanted to talk to friends and be busy. So every generation has things that take away family time. It’s the heart of family first, being together, and communicating with Him and with each other. And by all means, we can ask for help. So that we can rest. And give ourselves grace.
Charissa
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I have heard of the analog lifestyle and going back to the way things were before computers and internet…to a simpler time. “What were you like in the 90’s?” is a question I see everywhere. When I was a kid, we were maybe considered the last generation of being offline and having an “analog” lifestyle.
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Now we have so many electronics and the screen and social media, everything is at our fingertips. My husband and I do try to make sure our girls have time being off of their screens.
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There’s a healthy balance in helping kids have a healthy respect for technology, and then also a healthy look at what’s real.
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Even if our life is chaotic, sports (softball) has been a great bonding time for our family. My husband is assistant coach, we enjoy getting dirty, and love watching each other grow in a sport. I also grew up playing sports. It’s a great pastime and hobby, and it creates time with teammates, exercising and it gives space from the screen. We focus on being outside.
Another thing we do is send our kids outside, to get involved in yardwork at home. Our oldest has a backpack blower. The girls help mow and pull weeds, and they feed the donkey and cats. We also have a Zipline outside. Getting sunshine and being creative is so important. They go outside before sitting down to watch TV.
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One of my favorite times is the summer when we go camping to our favorite spot. It’s a beautiful place and there is no cell service. We bring out all board games and card games, we tell stories, make s’mores and eat ice cream, and we ride our bikes!
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I don’t think I’d go back completely to an analog lifestyle, but I do love a healthy balance. Not shielding the kids, but showing the kids a balance by setting the example. Sometimes, I do scroll and have that habit instead of reading a book or having a conversation. However, we try to focus on being with each other.
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Being involved in our church is also another way to grow in our family unit spiritually, in time together and with Him. It’s not to “check off a box.” But church is a place to be encouraged and share with others, and to thank God for another week and another day.