UNDPREPARED â—½ ENCOURAGEMENT
Purpose
by Marcy Lytle
I was not prepared to be an empty nester, and I actually despised that label. There was even an empty nester group at my church and I didn’t want to go, because I didn’t like the name. Imagine that!
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Having your kids leave home hits parents differently, depending on lots of factors. I had friends that were ready to see their kids take flight and weren’t really sad about it. So they said. But for me, and for lots of my friends, it was hard when my kids left the house and it was just Jon…and me. And what were we going to do now?
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As a mom, even if we work outside the home, a lot of our purpose in life is in making sure our kids are fed, clothed, cared for and loved. And it takes every ounce of our fiber to be involved, in order to do this. So it makes sense that when they leave, to go to college, get married, or just move out on their own, we are left with the gaping hole in our hearts and huge questions that scream,
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“What am I supposed to do now? What is my purpose?”
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It hit me hard when my daughter moved out, especially when she texted a few days later and wrote, “I miss you, Mom.” I couldn’t stand to look at her room, so we let our son who was 4 ½ years younger just take over her room…and his. Little did know that decision would come to bite me in the butt a few years later.
And it did. When my son got married, he took with him all the stuff from both bedrooms, and then we had two empty boxes to fill where there were once posters, kids’ clothes, toys, bulletin boards, shoes strewn about, and more. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
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I remember my husband and I went away for a weekend on our own and realized our job as a parent with kids at home was over. Yes, I had my paying job still, and I had friends and we had each other, but our kids were gone! I was sick to my stomach and could barely enjoy myself at all. Would that feeling ever subside?
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One day when I was sitting alone and feeling totally without any purpose left in life, I was sharing this with my husband. He didn’t say anything, but I could tell what his face was expressing and this was it – I’m still here, aren’t I? We have each other.
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This hit me like a ton of bricks. My purpose wasn’t over, it was just shifting, and even going to be fun…without the kids. And besides that, the kids would still need me…I soon found out.
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Crawling into bed in and crying as if I’d lost it all wasn’t an option any more. And the truth is, my husband was still there and we began to see how we could make our own fun happen without the kids. I can imagine that single parents have to figure it out in a whole other way, and if you’re one and you’re reading this – share your story in the comments!
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I fully believe God has a purpose for us in every season of life, especially when the kids are gone. Yes, it will hurt to not set the table for a crowd, you may cry buckets of tears because they grew up so fast, and you may want to decorate the house (that’s what I did) in a new way – all your own. And that will be fun. It will hurt for a bit, but it will get easier, I promise.
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A friend once described it like this. You’ll ache and long to see their headlights as they visit your home, once they’re gone. But you’ll smile and fall into bed exhausted and happy when you see their tail lights as they head back to their place.
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And your purpose? It changes, but it doesn’t end. You’ll have the opportunity to:
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Plan more date nights and picnics with him
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Explore that hobby you never had time for before
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Sit and cultivate that relationship with Him in worship, with all the noise gone
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Support these now adult children without intruding (that’s a whole other topic)
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Go on trips whenever and wherever without littles crying, “Are we there yet?”
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Look forward to championing those kids you just raised, every single day…