PRACTICAL PARENTING â—½ HOME
One Way or Another
by Marcy Lytle
I ran out of words, seriously. As a grandparent, watching the kids play sports and lose game after game, I didn’t know what else to say at the end of the game. “Good game” sounded lame, because his face and body language knew it wasn’t a good game. “You’ll win next time,” was hopeful but not helpful, right after a huge loss. And my heart hurt each game where the point spread was so big and the loss was so sad. This started me thinking about the parents themselves. You’re the ones that go home with the kids after they lose, and it’s just - quite frankly - hard. And since this is the month of Thanksgiving, why not apply giving thanks even in the hardest of situations…in training our kids:
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When they come home with a failing grade, and they totally did their best, we can give them a hug and talk to the teacher, get them a tutor, or just hug them tight and affirm that their best was the best, and send them on their way.
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When they walk off the field with another loss, we can smile and hold, say nothing and let them be for a while. If talk starts to blame the other players, or the referees, or the coach, we can listen and decide if actions need to be taken, or we need to let it go and enjoy the play. I often hear one mom yell at games, “Have fun!” and I smile every time.
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When she has had two best friends lie and talk behind her back, we can listen and go to God with our child to ask Him to heal and help. We can ask for discernment on how to move forward. And we can talk about forgiveness, with boundaries, and how hurtful friends can still be loved.​​
When he fails the driver’s test more than once, we can breathe, talk about how to do better, and take it one day at a time. It’s not the end of the world, but we can keep that thought to ourselves, and encourage him to try again. And again.
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There are multiple areas where our kids come away disappointed to the max, and we don’t know what to do. And in the moment of loss, sometimes no words need to be said at all. We’ve already said them before, and they don’t want to hear them again.
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The best thing parents can do is practice thankfulness in front of the kids, when they themselves lose. They can cultivate an attitude of gratitude in front of the kids, in prayer time at night. And when they themselves fail, they can ask forgiveness, process their grief, and share their own stories at the proper time.
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Thankful hearts don’t spring up right after a huge loss, they take time to emerge and provide healing. But they only emerge if they’ve been trained in observing how a thankful and merry heart really does do good, like a medicine, as the good book says.
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The last game that was a huge loss, we didn’t get to see our grandson because he had to get on the bus. And that was probably the best, anyway, because I’m sure he didn’t want to see anyone. But we did text him and told him we loved him, we were sorry for the loss, but we were proud of him. I mean all of that was true.
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And his reply was, “Love you bunches,” which was an awesome reply.
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Your kids know you love them and are for them and present with them, as you tell them and hold them and hug them. And they love you, too. Losses are just hard, on the parents and the kiddos, but that makes that win just that much sweeter when it happens in that area…or another.