UNEARTHLY THINGâ—½ ENCOURAGEMENT
Periods of silence in a conversation can be almost painful, especially when you’re socially awkward.
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This happened to me recently, on a Zoom call no less. The host of the call was waiting for others to join, so a group of writers, probably most of whom were also struggling with socializing, stared at each other through their video screens—some with blurred backgrounds, which added to the strangeness. As the silence reached the ten-minute mark, the uneasiness became unbearable.
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I felt myself slipping into observation mode, where I fade into the background and turn my attention to the sights and sounds around me. A helpful feature for someone who writes fiction, but not for someone desiring new contacts and friends in her field.
My social awkwardness has been troubling me for a few weeks now. I have an important writer’s conference coming up, and I want to make new contacts and maybe even some friends. So, I had the bright idea to make an effort to be more personable and speak up during the call's silence.
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“Does anyone else write fiction?” I blurted out. Instantly, I was mortified.
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My question sounded competitive, as if I were laying down the gauntlet for a challenge. As if I were saying, “Does anyone else lay claim to my lands?” So NOT what I meant.
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My goal was to break the ice, not obliterate it with a sledgehammer. I wanted to crawl under my desk and snuggle with my dog.
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Now the uneasiness was due to my inquiry. I received silent stares, eyes blinking back at me, most of them behind eyeglasses.
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Then, one lady shyly raised her hand, confessing, “I do.” I tried to soften the situation by asking about her current work in progress. But the damage was already done. I stayed quiet for the rest of the call, which is my usual M.O., something I was trying to change.
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I want to be kind and engaging. Not aggressive and competitive. I'd like to meet new writers, perhaps even make a few friends. I prayed about my lack of social skills, asking God for help. He gave me a unique idea.
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Recently, I had been using ChatGPT to help with business tasks and marketing ideas, so I was familiar with writing prompts. So I asked, “How do I overcome being socially awkward in a business setting?”
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The suggestions I got were surprisingly helpful. Here is the list of points I will practice before my writer’s conference.
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GPT: That’s a great question—and a common one! Social awkwardness in business settings usually comes from a mix of nerves, self-consciousness, and not knowing how to read the situation. The good news is that it’s a skill you can improve with practice. Here are some practical strategies:
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1. Prepare Beforehand
• Know your audience: If you’re going into a meeting, learn the names, roles, or interests of the people there. This gives you conversation starters.
• Plan a few openers: Simple lines like “How’s your week going?” or “What brings you to this event?” reduce pressure in the moment.
• Practice your self-intro: Have a concise, confident way to introduce yourself (“Hi, I’m Angela, I work in [X] and focus on [Y]”).
2. Improve Nonverbal Confidence
• Eye contact and posture: Sit or stand tall, shoulders relaxed, make eye contact (without staring).
• Smile naturally: It makes you seem approachable.
• Slow down: Nervous people tend to rush. A calm pace conveys confidence.
3. Shift the Focus
• Instead of worrying about how you’re coming across, focus on the other person. Ask thoughtful questions and listen actively. (Author’s note: this one’s my favorite, because Jesus did this a lot in His ministry.)
• People love talking about themselves, and you’ll seem engaging just by being genuinely curious.
4. Practice Small Wins
• Start with a low-pressure situation, like chatting with a barista or colleague in the hallway.
• Build up to networking events or big meetings. The more you practice, the more natural it feels.
5. Handle Awkward Moments Gracefully
• If you blank out or stumble, laugh lightly at yourself and move on.
• A quick, “Sorry, lost my train of thought—what I meant was…” makes you relatable, not weak.
6. Long-Term Skills
• Consider joining groups like Toastmasters to practice speaking in a safe environment.
• If anxiety is the main blocker, mindfulness or breathing techniques before social events can help calm your nerves.
✨ Key mindset: Most people aren’t analyzing you as much as you think. They’re usually focused on themselves. Confidence grows as you comprehend this.
These seem like simple strategies I can take with me to the conference. I also have a little cheat sheet to bring with me. But most importantly, I will continue to ask God for help, for His confidence. I know He will help. He is so good like that.
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Blessings to you!
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Angela Dolbear is the author of contemporary Christian novels, such as THE GARDEN KEY Series and THE TORMENTOR’S TALE, as well as many short stories. Her latest release, The Mid-Century Breakfast Club, is the fourth book in The Garden Tales series. Her novels are available on Amazon in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook formats. Angela writes real, relatable, and reverent fiction. She loves reading, writing prose, and writing and recording music in her studio in Nashville, TN—listen to her latest album STORMS on your favorite music streaming service. Please drop by and sign up for news, read the latest stories, and hear new original music at http://www.angeladolbear.com/subscribe.htm.