Matthew will say out loud, “I am going to sit by Mommy.” (Hearing the word Mommy never gets old.) I appreciate and love how sweet and simple that form of connection is. Matthew and I also connect by kicking the soccer ball around, playing catch, watching funny videos, participating in magic tricks, etc.

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Years ago, Brendan told me that just being in the same space with me is enough, but I’ve started wondering if that’s really true. Does seeing Matthew and I play together negate that? Part of that is my overthinking, and part of it is wondering what I can do better.

Brendan and I had an unexpected opportunity to connect at Matthew’s favorite toy store, Terra Toys. I saw an oversized chess board set up for people to play. Brendan is a great chess player and he agreed to play with me. I reminded him that I am still learning how to play. I remembered how most of the pieces moved but that’s about it. I got a kick out of comments he made like,

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“Normally there is a timer.” (I took my time making a decision).

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That’s when I started asking him for tips. I also talked through my options out loud. Matthew came over to watch and help me some too, which was an awesome surprise.

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“I could have checkmated you several times ago but I didn’t,” Brendan said very seriously.

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I told him thank you, and I appreciated the blunt side of his personality.

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While playing chess together was a planned way of connecting, I realized one evening at dinner that there have been lots of unplanned moments of connecting with Brendan. For example, one evening at dinner, Brendan said,

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“I bet I can put six of these mini cupcakes in my mouth at once.”

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Of course, my first thought was no, that’s way too much. We compromised. After his last swallow, Brendan sarcastically said,

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“This was so not a good idea.”

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Brendan and I connect when he shares something with me about school or something that happened at his dad’s house. I listen and then we have a conversation. I let him take the lead. I do the same for when Matthew shares with me. I find the healthiest connections with kids are when I start with where they are and listen to learn. By that, I mean,

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• I learn about how they are experiencing their world

• I learn about the decisions they are making

• I pay attention to what it is they seem to need – a listening ear or help

 

This particular journey of mine has taught me a lot.

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One important take away is if we let go of overthinking and wanting something to happen so much we attempt to force it, it frees up space in our minds and hearts to appreciate the subtle ordinary moments. And I have discovered they aren’t ordinary; but rather, they are special and sincere.

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On your journey, see what connections you can build with those you love – planned and unplanned.

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If I can do it, so can you!