A HOPEFUL HEART ◽ YOU
Nine Words, One Mirror
By Christina Oberon
I've always believed that character is revealed less by what we say about ourselves and more by how we consistently show up. Someone may describe themselves as patient, kind or gentle, but over time, it's often their actions that tell us who they are. One of the ways I think about character is through the fruit of the Spirit - Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control.
Nine words from Galatians 5 that I've read many times and genuinely want reflected in my life. I don't see them as a checklist for expecting perfection from anyone. We all have bad days, difficult seasons and moments when we don't show up as our best selves. I believe deeply in giving people grace. But I have had a thought that convicted me a little. If I'm looking at the fruit in someone else's life, how often am I looking for those same things in myself?
Was I patient with my child today, especially when I was tired and running out of patience by 4 pm? Was I gentle in a difficult conversation, or was I more concerned with being right? Did I show kindness to someone who frustrated me? Did I have self-control in the way I responded? Those questions are a lot less comfortable.
September is harvest season, which makes me think about the word fruit in a different way. Fruit doesn't appear overnight. It grows slowly. It needs healthy roots, nourishment, time and the right conditions. There's something important in that. They aren’t called the achievements of the Spirit. They're called the fruit of the Spirit. They're evidence of what God is growing in us.
I do think there is value in paying attention to fruit. After all, Jesus taught that we would know people by their fruit. There is a place for discernment, especially when someone's actions consistently don't align with their words. But discernment and judgment aren't the same thing. We can recognize what someone's actions are showing us while still extending grace and remembering that we don't know everything God may be working on in their heart.
And there's another part of discernment we don't talk about as much which is turning it inward. Is she being kind? Is he being patient? Are they showing love? Those may sometimes be fair questions. But I should also be asking, "Am I?
I can't control what is growing in someone else's life. I don't know what happened five minutes before I encountered them, what they're carrying, or what season they're walking through. I can only pay attention to what God is growing in me. Sometimes another person's behavior may even reveal something in me that still needs work. That doesn't mean excusing hurtful behavior or abandoning discernment. It means remembering that someone else's behavior can sometimes become an opportunity to examine my own. So lately, when I notice something in someone else, I'm trying to remember to turn the question around, too.
What is my reaction showing me about myself?
None of us produces perfect fruit all of the time. We're all still being shaped, pruned and grown in different ways and in different seasons. The fruit of the Spirit can help us discern what we see around us, but maybe they're also meant to turn our attention inward. Maybe they're meant to be a mirror.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
Galatians 5:22–23
This September, as we move into a season of harvest, my prayer is that I continue to give others grace, practice discernment when it's needed, and remain just as willing to look at the fruit God is growing in me.