I DON'T DO TEENAGERS ◽ HOME
I’ve observed that oftentimes teens don’t offer much grace to themselves…or others…and especially not to siblings. And sometimes, parents don’t offer much grace, either.
We sometimes forget that our teens are growing up in their bodies and have these incredible mood swings, and they’re dealing with peer pressure, drama with friends, homework loads, all the while working out their own salvation and what they believe. It’s a lot! And while parents need grace, too, that’s for another article…
Do your teens know what grace is? With God, we are offered his mercy and love and help, because we belong to him, not because of what we do to earn his favor. And grace is also strength given to us from God to overcome and live a good life. It’s something we all need, and receive from God, on a daily basis. So we can begin by telling our teens about God’s grace offered to us in that while we were sinners (rebelling against Him), Jesus died for us. This is always the foundation of grace.
When teens are battling self-image and performance in sports or academics, they are often their own worst critic. They may look in the mirror and see that they are “less than” her or him. Comparison is a big issue with teenagers, and too many times they feel they come up short. Lots of affirmation offered to our kids is needed!
If we too are comparing adults and never feel like we look “good” either, it will come across in looks and digs towards our kids. We know that we are to love others as we love ourselves, but if we hate ourselves in the way we look…or in the way we perform…we have no grace for ourselves.
When teens are dealing with others, for example, on the playing field they sometimes blame their teammates for that loss or poor performance on the field. Or maybe they have a friend that lied or talked about them behind their back, or just ghosted them altogether, and it hurts. But truly, our teens also make mistakes when they’re playing and sometimes don’t treat their friends like they’d like to be treated. Grace is needed! This doesn’t mean they are be a doormat, but they can learn to realize that they don’t know what’s going on in their friends’ homes and behind the scenes, and grace and prayer can be offered. This enables them to keep loving, and yes – set boundaries - but not carry bitterness. Grace for themselves, and others, enables them to forgive and look for the good.
When there are siblings involved, it seems there is less grace here than anywhere! “Shut up!” might be heard at home among a sister and brother, when he teases her incessantly. Or perhaps multiple interruptions when one is telling a story, as the other sibling thinks they’re telling it all wrong. Maybe it’s his turn to do a chore and he doesn’t do it correctly, and the other teen is aggravated because she always does it perfectly. Siblings just get on each other’s nerves. Of course, we remember that ourselves from when we teens! But grace…it goes a long way…when we learn to receive it and offer it in our families. Grace is loving our family members, praying for them, offering a hand-up, and remembering that we too need grace on a daily basis.
The best way for our teens to learn to receive grace and offer grace is to receive it and offer it ourselves. They need to hear positive words come out of our mouths as we talk to others and to ourselves, and to our kids. Words of grace and affirmation, always topping any instruction and criticism. And they need to hear us pray, in family time, offering thanksgiving to the Grace Giver, always…
Grace. It’s just a word that sounds so soft and smooth when we say it…and when we offer it. And receive it.